When I open an author’s marketing questionnaire and they’ve actually provided helpful suggestions

(Submission from an anonymous publicist)
(Source: lifenacademicpublishing)

(Submission from an anonymous publicist)
(Source: lifenacademicpublishing)

(Submission from Anonymous, danke!)

When that character inevitably turns out to be an all-but-secular, socially awkward comic relief sidekick:

(Submission from Tzviaariella, thanks!)
We listen patiently:

and eventually:

because we know something they don’t. See, the author thinks doing this will get them their way. But really…

No, friend, just no.

In actuality, it will get them completely written off.

Because in this situation, the author is Kim Jong-un and the Publisher is America.

And in the vast majority of cases, an author’s sales are not good enough to make it worth working with a fucking asshole

So do yourselves a favor, authors, and

Ok everyone, I’ve gotta run away from Tumblr for a while but I want to thank everyone for submitting! There will likely be a few hold over posts tomorrow. Hope people enjoyed the discussion of sorts!

(Submission from Anonymous, thanks!)